Review: The Zero Dog War by Keith Melton

Filed in Keith Melton , Review , The Geeky Lover Posted on February 15, 2011 @ 3:00 pm 19 comments

Format Read: ebook ARC provided by author
Number of Pages: 278 pages
Release Date: February 15th, 2011
Publisher: Samhain
Formats Available: various ebook formats
Purchasing Info: Author website, Goodreads, Amazon, BooksOnBoard

Book Blurb:
The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.

With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.

As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Warning: Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.
My Thoughts:
I’m not usually really a big admirer of blurbs but reading this one told me that I would love this book. Because seriously who would be able to resist a blurb that mentions “banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin”? Not me that’s for sure. But yes, rest assured The Zero Dog War isn’t only about gelatin- you will discover so much more in this one.
We are thrown into a crazy paranormal world full of zombies, naked healthy-food-obsessed werewolves, necromancer overlords, pyromancers, non-sparkling vamps, NINJAS and many more. I loved how Melton threw all this together but also gave it enough shape to make it a whole and working setting. His writing is so  full of funny and abstruse details, his descriptions live through his humor and for me that makes this book something special- the world itself lives through the hilarious innuendos he throws our way every other sentence.
His characters are as funny as Melton is himself. More than once I found myself snorting or laughing out loud at some of their actions. I love when the character introductions are made in a-show-don’t-tell way and this is perfectly done in this novel. The plot was captivating and surprise!!!- it was as hilarious as the rest of the book. Never in my live I would have imagined a setting like this and the evil overlord has a really evil plan for world domination. *wink* I don’t want to tell you any more but this book will surprise you with it’s uniqueness.
You want a little sneak peak? Here you go:
“There’s been a RCT outbreak.” He paused for effect. “A Reanimated Corpse Threat…” Yet another pause for effect. “Zombies.”
With all the buildup I’d expected something a trifle more dramatic. Like cyborg dragons or Godzilla on crack. Hell, a rampaging horde of menopausal lemmings would be more of a challenge
Urban Fantasy meets hilarious sarcasm at its best- that’s the first thing I think of when I try to sum up this book. Keith Melton has a thing for the obscure and inventive. Reading this book is like work-out for your laugh muscles- believe me you don’t want to miss this. I had high expectations and The Zero Dog War didn’t fail to deliver.

I give The Zero Dog War 4 out of 5 bookies.

***FTC Disclaimer: Most books reviewed on this site have been provided free of charge by the publisher, author or publicist. Some books we have purchased with our own money and will be noted as such. Any links to places to purchase books are provided as a convenience, and do not serve as an endorsement by this blog. All reviews are the true and honest opinion of the blogger reviewing the book. The method of acquiring the book does not have a bearing on the content of the review.

About Susi

Susi is a geeky vegetarian from Gemany. She just finished university and now works as a civil engineer in steel construction. Besides her reading addiction she also knits like a maniac while listening to audiobooks. Susi also blogs at the Secret HEA Society.

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Join the Discussion
  • Lily of Darkness February 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    I am glad I added this to my TBR list. Lemmings – always funny.

  • Keith Melton February 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Thanks for the review!

    @Lily of Darkness
    You cannot go wrong with Lemmings. Comedy gold.

  • Estella February 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Sounds good!

  • LunaMoth February 15, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    this sounds really good actually, and i dont usually read this genre. ill have to add it to my wishlist! great review.

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 15, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    @Lily Oh yes they are. =P

    @Keith It was definitely my pleasure.

    @Estella Even more than good 😉

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 15, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    @LunaMoth You should give it a try. I'm already pimping this one to my bf- 100% sure he will love it too.

  • LunaMoth February 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    i just bought it on my kindle from amazon. once i get to a wifi zone ill download it and start reading =)

  • GeishasMom73 February 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Holy cow. Everyone I follow on twitter, and I mean everyone, is buzzing about this book. All of the authors and bloggers who have read it said that it is awesome. I will have to add it to my TBR pile because that many people can't be wrong!

    GeishasMom73 on twitter

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    @LunaMoth You won't regret that!

    @Stacie Yep we aren't <= said by the all so humble Susi LOL

  • Chelsea B. February 15, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Bring on the funny! I need a good laugh 🙂

  • Melissa (My words and pages) February 15, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Thanks for the review. This is a new book for me and it sounds like a fun fast paced read. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it so!

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 16, 2011 at 6:11 am

    @Chelsea Then this book is for you. *g*

    @Melissa It definitely is. Very entertaining!

  • Sarah February 17, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    I just bought this book but haven't read it yet – can't wait to after this review!

    smaccall @

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 19, 2011 at 7:36 am

    @Sarah I hope you will love it as much as I did.

  • draconismoi February 20, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    This book intrigues me. Tragically, my relatives decided I couldn't possibly need any more books for my birthday….so here I am, intrigued and without a means to get my hands on it. Foolish people. How could a person ever have enough books?

  • Book Lovers Inc Staff February 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    @draconismoi Foolish indeed ((big hug)) But I will tell you a secret: Keith will come over for anm interview soon and perhaps there will be a giveaway 😉

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 20, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    That was incognito Susi LOL

  • natalie23 February 25, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Thanks for the review, this book sounds great, I could do with reading a funny book, just lately all the books I read seem very serious.

  • SusiSunshine {The Geeky Bookworm} February 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    @natalie23 It was definitely funny. I think we need to invent a new word for this kind of funny. 😉

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